Finally got around to editing some of the shots i took when we went away for a few days at Venus Bay during the last school holidays. They speak for themselves really, it was clear but cold and windy. Lots of snuggling on the couch. A few trips to the beach to play in the sand and climb on the dunes. Some tree climbing. Same old stuff really, oh and looking back at these i realize it’s probably time for Charlee to have a hair cut….
Just popping back in to report about my appointment with a dietitian. Firstly, she seems lovely and not at all what I expected. I was picturing a threatening Jillian Michaels (i.e biggest looser trainer) type character who was going to take one look at me and shake her head. Instead she was a lovely older mother figure type lady, and she was very helpful at pointing out exactly why I will struggle to loose weight and what can be done about it. She also pointed out that I am actually no where near as over weight as I always thought I was.
I have mentioned several times before that I have always had very little self esteem and I have ALWAYS hated my body. I can’t name one redeeming feature in my opinion and I have always visualized myself as being hugely overweight. And to be honest I don’t see that opinion changing anytime soon, regardless of how much weight I may or may not loose.
Whenever I entered my weight and height into those BMI calculators online I was always humiliated at the “extremely obese” result that would pop up.
When, today I discover, that really for my height and build I am technically only 10kg over my ideal healthy weight range, not the 20+kg I was always thinking. Which seems like a much more achievable goal.
And it also appears as though I am doing plenty of exercise however I’m probably not eating enough food through out the day so my body goes into panic mode. Which is why the weight is constantly fluctuating.
Anyway, I now feel like at least one thing in my life is heading in the right direction. I have some homework to do (tracking my food intake and trying to identify when I am actually hungry compared to when I THINK I should be hungry) then I will report back to her in a fortnight.
it’s all very interesting and many things she said validated what I had already researched and discovered myself, and things that I had suspected were the cause of other health issues.
So, so far so good. Time for bed.
One thing that will put a smile on my face.
Yep, Noah has totally nailed the whole walking thing now. I could just sit and watch him toddle around all day. He is also developing a very VERY cheeky personality. He knows when he is doing something he shouldn’t be doing. The most annoyingly cute thing he does at the moment is running away from me as soon as i take off his nappy to change it. And then it’s a great big game to catch him again….several times I’ve just left him to walk around with nothing because i can’t be bothered chasing him down to put another one on. I know i’m asking for trouble, but he has only pee’d once and it was on the floor boards so no major damage. I had his hair cut today as well, which has turned him into a “real” little boy almost instantly.
One thing I’d like to get to, but won’t stress if i don’t.
I would really like to loose 10-15kg. In fact, i confess, that i have been actively trying to loose weight for about 4 months now and so far i have not had a lot of success. I have PCOS, which i am not using as an excuse, but it pretty much renders me immune to loosing weight easily. Besides having constant acne, constant hair-loss and very infrequent visits from aunt flow each month, i also carry a lot of weight around my middle. In fact it is the only place i carry weight and it is incredibly difficult to shift it. The processes that seem to work easily for others just don’t work on me. I am slowly discovering that it is not going to work unless i get some kind of tailored personal eating/exercise plan worked out. Without it, i’m just going to continue on the pattern of loose some gain some loose some gain some that has been going on as long as i can remember. So i have an appointment with a dietitian tomorrow morning to get to the bottom of my specific metabolism issues and work out a way to get in shape. It’s not going to be cheap, or easy, or fast. But it’s the only way that my health is going to improve.
I don’t have any delusional ideas of becoming a size 8 by Christmas, and i honestly wouldn’t want to be. Apparently my “ideal weight” range for my height is around 50-52kg…which is ridiculous. I don’t think I’ve been close to that since i was about 15. But if i can manage to get into the 58-60 range (about 10-13kg less than i am now) i’d be happy with that. So that’s my plan.
But that being said, i don’t want to become someone who is obsessed with everything to do with my body and weight. I already have little to no self confidence and hate 90% of my body (and personality) and if all this goes pear shaped and i end up exactly where i started or even heavier in a few months time then i will not handel it well if i let myself focus on this and only this for the next few months. SO my point is that i am going to be seeking help, and working out a plan of action….BUT i am not going to let myself get carried away.
One thing i’d like to put off (but i know i will feel SO much better once it’s done)
I really need to sit myself down and work out some goals. Lately i have been feeling like i’m living in my own personal Groundhog Day, the same things day in and day out, not really achieving anything or moving forward…mainly because i don’t know where I’m suppose to be going. How can i move forward when i don’t know the direction? I feel like i’m wasting time, but i don’t know what i should be doing instead. I kind of thought i had an idea about where i wanted to be in five years… ten years…then all hell broke loose and all my plans went out the window. But whenever i try and sit down to focus on putting something down on paper (or even down in my head) i get nothing. Zip. Silence. Crickets.
It’s very frustrating.
Or i will come up with some ideas about what i would like to do but then i get stumped when it comes to figuring out the process or HOW to actually get to that goal. They just all seem too unattainable or impractical or impossible within my current situation (like going to study full time for example…can’t do it and parent three kids on my own at the same time).
I finished up the garden bed I was digging up yesterday. Noah was asleep this time so I got in a good two hours of digging and planting and mulching. It might not look like two hours work but the ground I was digging into is very very hard and the first 20cm is a mixture of gravel, dirt and clay. So it takes a long time and a lot of effort to break through it and turn it up enough to plant in it.
I’m quite proud of my sweet little garden. Fingers crossed it doesn’t all die in the next week lol.
I also started knitting a jacket for bubba chunks last night. It is meant to be a ‘fast knit’ which means I may possibly finish it before the end of winter. Possibly.
And finally I need to give a big thumbs up to Tessuti Fabrics (I’m on my phone at the moment but I will come back and add a link later). I ordered this pattern book yesterday and it was in my letterbox this morning. No joke. 24hrs and I had it in my hot little hand, I was very impressed.
The book is “stylish dress book” by yoshiko tsukiori and was originally in Japanese but this version has been translated to English. It has 26 woman’s dress/top patterns and includes the pattern sheets and detailed instructions.
Not sure which one I want to make first.
Oh and in even more important news, I am finally going to see the last Harry Potter movie tonight. I am a little sad that it’s all over but I’m really excited to see how it is depicted in the movie. As you all know, I am a HUGE Harry fan. But I will say to all those out there who have only seen the movies, don’t judge a book by it’s movie. They are well worth reading.